Observing Observations Observantly

I have noticed some things lately. Some good. Some not so good. But, I feel like most of the seven billion human people on this globe will agree with some or all of the following list:

- One of the most frustrating feelings ever: you have something stuck in your teeth, and for the life of you, you cannot get it out. Your tongue starts get sore from trying to get it out. And, if you think about it, your tongue is probably the farthest thing from floss that your body has to offer. Right when you feel like you're on the brink of dislodging this thing, your tongue feels like its about to fall out of your jaw, and at this exact moment, you make eye contact with someone. Now, this isn't weird, except for the fact your tongue is currently reaching all the way across your mouth, it's shoved up against your teeth making your lip/cheek look huge, and you have your head tilted totally sideways (as if gravity will assist you in getting this tiny morsel of food beat). So, now, you're sitting there staring at this person who is trying not to look at you, thinking, "Wow! This is weird. I've got Quasimodo staring at me." Because you're so focused you forget the fact that you're in public, you're looking at someone, and they're looking at you.

- Something terrible: wet socks. Ugh! Seriously, there is no article of clothing more uncomfortable while wet. If the socks get totally wet, you might as well be barefoot. Your feet get all cold, the socks never really dry until you get home, your feet get all pruney and start to absorb all the wet smelly sock-water...

- A little thing in life that gives you a feeling of victory: when you are walking outside on a rainy/ snowy day and you watch a small glob of snow or a giant rain drop fall right, not on, but right in front of you. It makes feel you invincible. How did I time my day so perfectly, that I was able to evade Mother Nature's sinister plan by exactly one second? For me it's usually one more second of contemplating whether or not I should leave the comfortable sanctuary of my bed. But back to the drop-- if that drop had landed on your head, it would have been a cold cruel joke that made you feel uncomfortable because you don't know where it came from. Only drips I want on this scalp are the scalding hot ones coming from my shower, thank you.

- This isn't so much a good thing or a bad thing as much as it is a reoccurring thought that I have every time I find myself in this situation: whenever I see a "Wet Paint" sign, I have the overwhelming desire to run up and put my hands all over it. (I am a four year old.)

- Another truly amazing feeling is when you roll into a giant parking lot, and even though there are four to five hundred peeps scouring the lot for a spot, you pull up to the person with by far the best spot, and snag it. Even though all those chumps were in the parking lot before you, some of them probably for a solid 15 minutes, you were in the right place at the right time. Also, might I suggest backing up into these spots. If you have the time, try backing up into the spot it will give you a good feeling when you leave the parking lot. You will find that, by not having to put your car in reverse, twisting your back all the way around, and worrying about the cars on either side of you, this will allow you to leave anywhere with a smile on your face. It will change everything for you. Your pants will fit better, your significant other will look hotter, and you'll ultimately feel smarter. Trust me, try it.

Well my good friends. Enjoy your week. I think my next post, or the one after that, will be about the biggest advertising day in the world. If you don't know what that is, you better ask someone who won't judge you.

The Future Was So Yesterday

First off, I want all my followers (all five of you, but I am sure you guys tell all your friends about me) to know that I recently broke my personal handstand record. Nine seconds! Yeah it's no big deal but that's three seconds more than my previous record. I will keep you all updated when I break into double digits.

Anyways, let's talk about this thing the future. It's a pretty scary word. It can't really be defined because unless you are Raven Symoné (from Disney's award winning show That's So Raven) you don't know what will happen in the future. Well in the next couple months my future will start to reveal itself to me (reveal was a bad choice of words, I regretted it the second I typed it out).

My whole life I have lived in segments. My teenager segment I was in high school, all I cared about was going to the beach, and eating Wendy's. Then I went on a mission and was in Asia for two years and I dreamt about Wendy's. Now I am in college and have been for the past four years and I work hard in school, because I actually enjoy what I am learning, and I am back to eating Wendy's again. But, the next segment of my life has yet to be determined.

It's a little scary but I am trying to stay positive, glass half full and all that jazz. Part of me is still thinking it's going to end up with me having to sell my body to science just to maintain the Wendy's lifestyle I am used to though.

Well I will keep everyone updated on my future, if there are things to keep you updated on. I am pretty sure Raven is unemployed at the moment so if anyone can help a Manboy out and give me her number I just need to know if I am in some way employed in the near future.

Things We Can Do Without

1. Short faucets - Next time you're in a bathroom washing your hands (which you should always do because you're a human who interacts with other humans and therefore it is a requirement to wash your hands after entering a bathroom, especially a public one). Anyways, next time you're washing your hands, take a moment and check out when your hands are under the water if they are touching/rubbing up against the back of the sink. The last place I want to put my hands I'm washing is up against the wall of a sink where other men who have recently done things are forced to touch as well. There should be a world-wide law against any faucet that doesn't reach out to the center of the sink. Any establishment found breaking this law will be punished to giving all bathroom users free food (or goods, like candy) until the violating sink is fixed.

2. Ice on the roads - This isn't helping anyone out. I personally am not affected too much by it because I am prepared and drive something with four-wheel drive. Something I don't comprehend is when people drive around their half-wheel drive Toyotas in snow storms. I am convinced I am pushing my luck sticking around Utah this long. (I have been t-boned once already and ice wasn't even involved in that incident.) I figure, more logical than asking Utah drivers to learn how to drive or drive in safer vehicles, would be to just ask ice to stop forming on roads.

3. Snakes

4. Large potato chip bags - You're not fooling anyone, we all know that you're 75% air.

5. Sugar-free anything - Probably the worst feature to advertise for any product. Sugar free Oreos? I don't think you get who your consumers are. They are buying Oreos, they threw out nutritional benefits long ago. Don't be ashamed of who you are.

That Just Happened

In case any of you are doubting that I, Manboy, am in fact a superhero. Quit your hating, here is a list of my superpowers and achievements

I can eat a Café Rio burrito in under two minutes. I once bowled a 227. Jimmer Fredette once checked out my wife. I was Defensive player of the year when I played linebacker for my undefeated football team. I have had 12 surgeries on two toes. I got paid $100 to switch seats on a plane. I am completely 100% tone deaf. I once coached Mark Sanchez. I broke my arm swinging on a vine. I made Phil Dunphey from Modern Family laugh. I can’t be in the same room as a snake. I’ve snuck backstage at 5 concerts. I had my marriage announced at an In-N-Out Burger. I’ve been photographed and mistaken for Matt Damon, Joe Jonas, and Leonardo DiCaprio none whom I feel I resemble in the slightest (I'm much better looking than all of them). I’ve out run and out smarted a cop. I’ve thrown a hat like a Frisbee from 10 yards away and had it land perfectly on a friend’s head. I’ve hugged Conan O’Brien. I can juggle 3 items while balancing on a balance board. I’ve successfully prevented, my turtle, from committing suicide on several occasions. I’ve starred in a commercial for a knock off brand of Chef Boyardee. I've written for the Daily Show. I get free sodas for life.

It's that thing when like . . .

I want my readers (all 4 of you, 1 of whom is my wife) to know what kind of a person Manboy is - you know, on the inside.

We’ll start with some simple things. Likes and dislikes.

Like – I am really into hand stands, you know, that thing where you literally stand on your hands. My record is 6 seconds. Yeah, I am pretty boss.

Dislike – The Kardashians. Unfortunately, my Womangirl enjoys watching their TV show. These girls are probably the dumbest people on Television and that’s including the cast of the Jersey Shore.

Like – Dr. Pepper. It can turn any bad day right around. Coke is, of course, right there too. Enough said.

Dislike – Terrible commercials. Now, I know I am just an advertising student and my work is not spectacular, but some of the work that makes it to TV literally hurts my heart. I am sure that some of you saw some holiday sale commercials where they took a classic Christmas carol and changed the words to promote a giant sale. These companies paid a lot of money to produce these things and the best they could come up with is “It’s the most wonderful SALE of the year…” I vow that if I ever get the opportunity to work on any commercials I will never stoop to such a low level of creativity. It’s just lazy. Anyway. On to something that I like.

Like – Pinterest. I don’t get on there and pin but if you are lucky like Manboy and have a Womangirl who is mildly obsessed with Pinterest, you know what I am talking about. The genius that started this site deserves a huge hug. Not that I ever went hungry before Pinterest overtook our kitchen, but I have never enjoyed such a delicious variety of food until my wife got hooked on this site. If your own personal Womangirl enjoys food blogs, good, because they are the gateway drugs to Pinterest. This is good: encourage her. Soon you will be rolling in delicious chicken bacon sandwiches, peach cobblers, and Nutella hot chocolate. Pinterest, I love you.

Dislike – Stairs, there are always too many of them.

Like – Coming back from being out of town and finding you have gas in your car and good food in your cupboard (Peppermint Joes Joes from Trader Joes. Maybe that is why they are called Joe Joes? Because they are form Trader Joes... I literally just put that together… Wow, I should be on the Kardashians).

Dislike – I don’t like how Hollywood cannot come up with anything original. Everything lately is either based on a book or a play, a sequel, or a remake from something 10 years ago. Sometimes I think the people writing these terrible commercials work in Hollywood as well.

Like – My wife, who fixes my typos and allows me to refer to her as Womangirl.

Until next time people keep your heads on your shoulders.

Who Wants Seconds?

When I stopped writing on my last blog, I was pleasantly surprised to hear from more than two people that they missed my posts. So I'm back! What else would be more uplifting in the dark months of the winter than the rantings of an abnormally skinny lad who eats too much junk food and is still trying to figure out his future?

Like with my last blog, I am sure this will turn into a venue for how I view the world, but since I am trying to make it as a copywriter in the advertising industry, I won't just focus on things that bother me. I'll try to balance it out with things that inspire me and make me happy too. You guys don't want me to just complain the whole time, do you? I didn't think so.

The main reason I wanted to start blogging again is because of something Billy Crystal taught me as a young boy. In the 1987 family classic, "Throw Mama From the Train," Billy Crystal's character Larry, a writer, said something that has stuck with me: "Remember, a writer writes always." Since I claim I want to become a professional copywriter, I need to start acting like I have something to say.

I will try my hardest to write in here a couple times a week. Only thing that will stop me is severe illness, deportation, or death (which will most likely come from some crazy Utah driver driving a one-wheel-drive Subaru). There, I was able to squeeze in a quick little complaint. Hope you're happy, you sickos.

Anyway, it feels good to be back and I look forward to what 2012 has in store. Manboy out.